LINDA THE OCTOPUS IS DEAD WHEN PURCHASED. NO ANIMALS WERE HARMED DURING THIS DISPLAY OF TEAM SPIRIT. THIS IS DETROIT, LINDA, A MAGICAL LAND YOU WILL NEVE UNDERSTAND.Bless you, octopus thrower.
STILL NOT OKAY, MELISSA. STILL NOT OKAY.
YOU CANNOT THROW DEAD THINGS DURING SPORTS GAMES. WHAT IF I WAS AT A BASKETBALL GAME, AND, IN A DISPLAY OF “TEAM SPIRIT,” DECIDED TO THROW A DEAD SQUIRREL ONTO THE COURT. OR A DUCK. OR A BLACK BEAR. EVERYONE WOULD BE ALL “WHAT THE FUCK, YOU ARE MENTALLY ILL, GTFO OF MY STADIUM.” BECAUSE IT MAKES NO FUCKING SENSE AND IS ALSO GROSS. DON’T THROW DEAD THINGS. NO MATTER WHAT.
ALSO, OCTOPUSES ARE HARD TO ICE SKATE ON
OCTOPUSES, IT’S HARD TO ICE SKATE ON THEM
THERE’S A SENTENCE I NEVER THOUGHT I’D TYPE
